Rejection!
In the early hours of September 4th, 2025, I found myself sitting in the emergency room of KEMH in Bermuda hearing the word REJECTION...
Okay so lets dive right in, as the recipient of a “perfect” kidney transplant the last word I ever want to hear is Rejection, but there I was sitting in the last ER room (thank you triage nurse for saving that for me... the hallway would have been torture) lights off, the doctor staring at me with the most intense look as she was trying to convince me that I need to stay in hospital, “Your kidney is in rejection!” I was so worried about the bill and the lack of health insurance and my finances (lack of) that I couldn’t hear what she was actually saying, all I heard was ‘You are a Failure and this is just something else you have failed at.’
I spent a total of 8 days in the hospital and even as I write this the transplant is still not at 100%. It was this ‘rejection’ that opened my eyes to so much and gave me the protection to spend some vulnerable time with myself. Time to really sit in my crap and feel all the feels. Like, really be raw and real with me. I remember when getting into a room on the 5th floor at 5 am and watching the sunrise over the south shore, I cried (and I mean UGLY cried) for 30 mins because I had put myself in that situation. Not because of my employment status, or financial status, but because I refused to do what I knew needed to be done out of wanting to please others and being distracted.
For the past two days I have heard “For I know the plans I have for you” over and over. This is the start of Jeremiah 29:11, and with all the distractions that was happening I couldn’t understand why I was hearing it. The devil and his noise right... ugghh... *shake shake shake, shake the devil off*... (laugh at yourself, cause you know you sang it too) The message I can hear now that its quiet is God knows the plans He has for me, not my family, not the business coach, not the friend who knows it all, and not social media. God. I have spent two years (definitely more if being truly honest) of entrepreneurship taking classes, coaching, mentorship programs, trying to do all the things that was recommended but what I was missing was God. He knows the plans he has for me, everything else is noise. What I should have done was sat in consultation with God, placed Him at the head of Butterfly Crochet & Crafts as well as my life. Purpose is God-given and He will ensure that I have access to the path of purpose even if I wonder off distracted, there will be a fork (many forks if your stubborn like me). The rejection was God giving me space to sit with Him and consult with Him on the present and the next. My job was to be present in the moment. Not worry about the bills, or the business or the stuff...all the stuff. Just be there. In room 515. Quiet. Open.
After that ‘healthy’ (sometimes an adjective change and create a new vision) cry on day 2, I realized that it is everyone’s job in the hospital to take care of me. Even down to the security guard in the parking lot making sure staff don’t park in the visitor’s lot was there to ensure I got better. When you approach situations with gratitude, the view change. The lenses which we see through changes. I thanked every staff member that entered my room and wished them all a good day/night. I made sure I was ready form my bloodwork to be taken at 8:30am but Super Nurse E and enjoyed my meals. Quick note, y’all gotta get those KEMH rolls and cream puffs... deliciousness for real. If you are at KEMH reading this, send me a roll please. (things almost worth going back... almost lol). I enjoyed those days. The staff were all amazing (other than one person who thought it was funny to shame someone in hospital but half of his teeth were black so he will be on the patient side one day). I felt a tinge of sadness when leaving, because I was leaving a whole building of people dedicated to my recovery to go home to having to do it all on my own. Think on that for a minute... every person who works for KEMH- it is their job to take care of those who are patients... YUP! Mind blown right. Feel super special right. Now you’re smiling because...how special are you. Now make sure you thank them and appreciate that they are only doing their job and that job is taking care of you. BOOM! #micdrop
#micpickup that’s not all... whew! I was rolling y’all! It was 8 days of time alone with God. Rainy days, Sunny breaks. Sunrises. Sunsets (Rainsets). Thunder. Lightening. Wind. The biggest revelation only became clear today though... Maybe my purpose is in the thing I have been trying to navigate my life around, being sick. I was diagnosed with vitiligo at the age of 2 so since then I have been on the autoimmune disease journey. At the of 29, another autoimmune disease arises, and this one comes with a time frame... 6-9months to live. This is how you will truly understand my level of stubbornness, that was 14 years ago, and it only hit me today that my purpose is tied to this journey. So silly Shaneeka, stop trying to navigate your life around it. Stop letting business plans define it as your weakness, when it is a source of strength. Stop letting others try to define your purpose. Stop trying to fit in when God created me to stand out. God created me uniquely, different and to stand out. With that my purpose and the plan, He has for me is just as unique and its perfection because God does not make mistakes. So, here’s to living in and on purpose, embracing this journey of chronic illness and placing God as the CEO of my life and of Butterfly Crochet & Crafts!
Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to proper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”.